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• Writing a Great Online Dating Profile - January 20, 2011

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I’m committed in my search for my Prince and therefor, I read a lot of online dating profiles.

While online dating sites are all vastly different, one thing remains a constant – You always receive an area in which to talk about yourself, your interests and what it is you are looking for. It’s amazing how many guys “want someone honest, sweet, caring, trustworthy and fun to be around”. Isn’t this all of us!?

I’ve yet to see a profile that says “I want someone who lies, treats me like shit, doesn’t give a damn about me and cheats on me a lot”. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that that’s not something people are looking for on a dating site. Most people are actually there for a long lasting relationship and it can be assumed that they are first and foremost looking for someone with nice qualities.

But come on guys! What makes you different from the thousands of other profiles out there? And this goes for you ladies as well. Some of you are just as guilty as the boys are. What exactly are you looking for? What are your interests? What do you like to do? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? What kind of lifestyle do you lead or want? These are serious and very important questions you should know the answer to and be able to share on your dating profile.

So what kind of things should you be telling us? I’m going to give a range of examples of profiles containing interests and likes. These are based on REAL profiles I found!

Bad

Describe Yourself Examples Dating Profile

Looking for a nice girl with no drama who doesn’t have baggage. I’m single, no kids. I like listening to music, reading and watching movies. I don’t really know what else to put here but if I seem interesting, hit me up and let’s chat.

Good

I love sitcoms, working out, reading Sci-Fi books and going out for a night on the town with friends for a few drinks, some karaoke and some laughs. I’m working on my last year of college and hopefully that means a better job to come soon. I currently work as a bartender. It’s not much, but I get by. I am looking for a great guy who enjoys doing the same stuff I do and maybe can get me interested in other things she likes to do as well.

Great

I’m looking to bring someone into my life, with whom I can share everything I have with. I’m completely single, never married, no hangups or crazy exes, and no kids. I live alone in my own house, but come from a very large and very close family. The woman I’m seeking would have these interests: loving to travel, learning about different cultures and customs, yearning to have a good time and explore new things, etc. You should be able to enjoy a night at the symphony followed by ballroom dancing (I can teach you ;)) just as much as a night at home watching reruns on TV in our underwear eating cheap but delicious chinese food and chasing it with a bottle of Pepto Bismal.

Now

tell me, which of those 3 profiles would you rather read? Which one tells you the most about the writer? The key is to be real and in depth. You only get one chance and just a few seconds to catch the eye of the reader. That gorgeous picture of you with that amazing smile is only going to get you so far. If you’re totally hot but don’t seem to care enough about the online dating process to tell us a little about yourself, I have no problem closing the page and believe me, most people feel the same way.

There are still a lot of tips and tricks you should keep in mind when trying to write a great online dating profile. Consider some of these ideas…

Demonstrate, Don’t Describe
People tend to give a list of adjectives in their profiles and describe themselves as funny, positive, happy, witty or interesting. Don’t tell us… Show us with your writing. A happy sounding profile is more likely to display your cheerful personality than you telling us you have one. It make be cliche, but actions speak louder than words.

Use Proper Grammar and Punctuation
Lack of grammar and punctuation may seem like not such a big deal, but I figure if a man can’t take the time to pay attention to the details of his profile when he really has all the time in the world to construct rational, proper and complete thoughts – then how on earth is he ever going to be able to pay attention to details regarding me or take relationships as seriously as I do? Food for thought? I’ll take mine in cheesecake if you’ve got it.

Be Positive
Try to avoid negativity on your profile unless it’s a deal breaker (like you can’t date something with cats because you don’t like them or you are horrible allergic). If you have strong religious or moral standards you feel your match should have in common with you, by all means… list them in a positive manner. However, don’t talk down about yourself. How can anyone else like you if even you don’t think you’re worth being liked?

Be Honest… in moderation
Honesty really is the best policy. If you used to work out 5 days a week and now consider lifting your television remote to be exercise then be honest about that. The reader is making a decision on your here and now… not what you were doing 6 months ago.

Weight is a touchy subject. On the one hand, if someone can’t like you for you, then you shouldn’t bother with them. But help people out. If you’ve packed on some pounds and don’t quite fit the look of your pictures, let people know. You’ll avoid that terrified and disgusted look on your date’s face when they see you for the first time. You don’t have to get into specific numbers – especially if you plan to lose some weight. You don’t owe that kind of information to anyone.

Above all… Be yourself!
Write the kind of profile that demonstrates who you are and the kind of person you want to attract. Relax and let the information flow from your fingers. It’s okay if it takes a few times to get it perfect… it takes a few frogs before your find a prince.

There aren’t many situations in life where it’s acceptable to talk at length about yourself to random strangers without pause or interjection. And it’s usually even less socially acceptable to start disclosing your life story, what you’re looking for in a life partner, your ideal date, your music taste, and your favorite movies—in rapid succession—to people you don’t know and have never met.

But there is somewhere where this is all totally normal, where talking about yourself is not only appropriate, but encouraged.

How To Describe Yourself Dating

Your online dating profile!

It may seem a bit daunting to dive into explaining so much about yourself and your dreams right away, so I’ve put some tips together to help you out.

Here are some important tips on how to write a dating profile that will help you attract the right people and land a date.

Be genuine

The key to writing a good online dating profile is to be specific about who you are. Nobody likes a profile that sounds as if the writer is tailoring his or her personality to what other people want to hear. Those sorts of generic, essentially meaningless profiles are exactly what don’t catch someone’s eye online.

Imagine a profile that says:

I’m a nice caring person with a good heart. I am looking for an honest person who likes to have fun.

Seriously, what does that even mean? Everyone thinks they have a good heart (even some really horrible people). Of course this dater is looking for an honest person. What else would someone be looking for, a compulsive liar? And what is fun precisely? Isn’t the concept of fun different for different people? In the end, this profile says essentially nothing. Sure, it might attract some initial responses, but that does nothing toward helping this dater find a real match or create a real connection with someone.

Here’s a better example from a real online dater from the dating site Zoosk:

My Story
I like literature, critical theory, local music and shows, the Criterion Collection, cooking with ingredients most people have never even heard of, creative writing, Virginia Woolf, 4 Barrel Coffee, Baudrillard, pretending that I don’t love the band Journey, attempting to local my zen state, and sleeping in past noon then having coffee on Sundays.

My Perfect Match
An interesting man who knows who Samuel Beckett is, subscribes to similar periodicals as me, and isn’t too cool to dance at a show. Props if you pretentiously bring up Derrida in social situations.

My Ideal Date
Alcohol and feigned indifference. We go for drinks and alternately act interested and completely aloof. It borders on rudeness. Whatever, it’s what I like.

In the profile above, the datertakes time to lay out her personality. You can see that she has fancy taste in films (Criterion Collection), likes to go to shows, and openly admits that she likes critical theory. Some people won’t relate to her at all, but I like this kind of honesty, because she is obviously not trying to please everyone. She is trying to find people who will like her for who she is.

Ain’t no shame in filtering out the rejects!

I believe that an online dating profile should be an honest portrayal of your personality and act as a filter, nixing out all the unwanteds early on. If you look at the profile above, the writer has no shame in saying exactly what it is she’s looking for; if the man doesn’t read the same level of literature that she does then she isn’t interested. It’s probably a little strange to some people, but at least she’s letting the dating pool know what she wants.

It’s always a smart idea to say exactly what it is you do not want right away on our online dating profile. Being forthright and upfront about your desires is not only a good basic practice, but it also saves you and others precious time and energy to get it out right away instead of later on. If you have deal breakers—like smoking, children, or cats—you should write those down in your profile right away. Otherwise you might be in for a sorry surprise later on. The more specific the better.

Here’s an example from another real online dating profile from Zoosk:

My perfect match is an attractive woman who can keep up with me intellectually and conversationally but who doesn’t do so by being pushy or a bully. I really don’t like mean or intolerant people. Matching political/religious views are a plus, but hardly necessary. I suppose my perfect girl is between 25 and 30 and nice to be around. These are just guidelines though so don’t be afraid to write me.

I think these sorts of specifics are really smart. Note that he wrote that he wants a girl “between 25 and 30.” In a few short steps, he’s created age filter and he also mentioned that he prefers people who have matching political and religious views (another filter).

Channel your inner wordsmith

You don’t have to get all Shakespearen on us, but a little oratorical flair never hurts when attracting people to your online dating profile.

I like this excerpt from another profile:

I love thunderstorms but I can’t live without sunshine. I find beauty in almost everything about this incredible world we live in… I like to swing at the park, play in the snow, and stomp in puddles. I love camping but hate freezing at night.

Take some time to write descriptively. You have no idea how far a tiny bit of eloquence can get you in the world of online dating. Do you like hiking? Don’t just say “I like to hike.” Aim just a bit higher and say something like, “I love the serenity of standing atop a huge mountain, watching the horizon expand before me.” Do you like walks on the beach? Say “There’s nothing more beautiful to me than a beach at sunset, where the stars appear bigger and brighter than everywhere else on earth.” Whatever it is that you have to say, use descriptive language to spice it up.

A little charm goes a long way

If I had to write a list of things that I, particularly, find un-charming, I’d put offensive language, vulgarity, bad spelling, and bad grammar on the top of the list. And somehow, these things occasionally find their way onto people’s’ online dating profiles—which makes me scratch my head and wonder how on earth this could possibly happen. Why would anyone want to date an offensive, vulgar person who has problems communicating effectively? Why would anyone want to present themselves that way?

Tell Us About Yourself Dating Profile Statement

Ask yourself, when you edit your online dating profile, “Would I date this person?”

There are some important red flags to avoid—angry rants about previous relationships, overboard negativity about your own life, too much disclosure about money or personal finances—when composing your online dating profile. A good rule in determining what kind of content to avoid is a simple reflection on the power of charm.

What kind of people are charming? Generally, they’re positive, friendly, and humble. Charming people have the undeniable ability to attract others to them. They are, simply put, fun to be around. We know each and every person has the ability to be charming. It isn’t particularly difficult. All it takes is a certain level of mindfulness and a little bit of effort. And charm will go a long way with your fellow daters.

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